Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Willingly Waiting: My Lessons from Three Miscarriages

My strong desire to have children has never been completely vanquished even though sometimes seemingly endless obstacles assail me as I work toward becoming a wise mom.   It took a while, and many tears, before I was blessed with my first daughter.  I was so thankful that my waiting had ended and enjoyed being a mother so much.

 I soon realized that my waiting had only begun.   It was seven years of hoping before I finally found out I was expecting my second child.  Only a few days later, I found out I was going to miscarry.  I wondered why I would finally be allowed to carry a child only to let it go so soon.  My daughter had prayed so often for a little sister.  My husband and I had prayed countless times.  However, I tried to make sure that my prayers always included the words “according to thy will.” 

I knew I faced a critical decision after that miscarriage:  Do I become discouraged and disheartened?  Or do I decide to be thankful for even that brief time of the joy of carrying a new life within me.  I had enough experience with disappointment.  I wanted to be grateful.  Another miscarriage followed and I again chose to be thankful for the miracle of pregnancy no matter what happened. 

I was traveling in Guatemala a few months later when I found out that I was expecting again.  I knew there was a high chance I would miscarry early (I have Graves disease which often is related to high thyroid levels and can make it difficult to keep a pregnancy), but the happiness I felt in becoming pregnant for a third time in one year after enduring seven years of unfruitful hopes, was stronger than my fear.  I decided to climb the ruins and experience the other things on my vacation and focus on enjoying the journey whichever direction it took me. I was blessed with another beautiful baby girl.

It has been almost two years since I had my second daughter.  I was thrilled to discover that I was not required to wait seven years this time.  Then the miscarriage started the next day.  Once again I am doing my best to willingly wait on the Lord’s will for me.  I have decided that being willing is more important than being successful .  I know my Heavenly Father accepts my desires and my best efforts even when they don’t seem to bear much fruit.  I am so thankful for His lessons in patience.

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