I have planned for Education Week for several months and was so excited as the time came closer. Then, as always seems to happen, opposition struck with a vengeance. At a routine checkup more autoimmune antibodies were found in my system and the Graves Disease that has been in remission came back in full force. I also started into another early miscarriage.
Logic told me I should stay home and rest but I had felt so strongly that it was right to go. What a quandary! With the second witness that my husband also felt I should go and it would be a good and important experience for me, and going completely on faith I made it to Provo and tried to relax for the night. Soon the pain from my miscarriage tripled and was not helped at all by the normal dose ibuprofin. I felt the tears coming and wondered how I was going to make it sitting in classes all day when I was in tears while lying down. I called my husband for reassurance, made sure I took the maximum ibuprofin allowed and finally fell asleep.
So far, the miracle I hoped for has begun as the pain has receded to a dull ache this morning and I have made it through one class so far. My emotions are also distracted by learning new things so right now I don't have to look too closely at the emotional pain of knowing I am losing a baby for the 6th time despite all my research on autoimmune miscarriages and all the positive changes I have worked so hard to implement in the past few months. I know I can't run from the pain but I am thankful that I can have some time to accept it and think about it more rationally while also enjoying new experiences in a place I love so much.(BYU is where I earned my Bachelor of Science degree back in 2000 so it is full of wonderful memories).