Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Simply Separated

It is strange to think how quickly everything has changed.  I had my 19th miscarriage on December 6th last year and felt some signs of Postpartum psychosis creeping in so I went to the doctor.  I also asked him about my sneaking suspicion that much of what I was experiencing might not actually be PTSD from the past traumatic abuse I suffered from my husband (and some still going on despite almost 10 years since his arrest).  My suspicions were confirmed.  I am suffering from PTSD.  I also got a better diagnosis and med change: I may have bipolar type 1 instead of just MDD or postpartum depression.  So far, following the advice of the trauma counselor and the family doctor and psychiatric nurse practitioner has helped me to begin to heal and to find myself again.

Who was I before I was married and turned myself over to doing my best to love and support my husband even though I didn't feel supported by him very often? Who was I before turning myself over to taking care of my children--usually before myself? Who was I then?  What were my dreams and my goals?  More Importantly--am I still me?  Who am I now?

Whoever else I am, I know that I am still a daughter of God and it is still my greatest desire to be like my Savior and follow God's will for me.  Even though my marriage is not going how I planned, despite all the hard work on both of our parts, I know I did the right thing to get married to him.  I also know that it is now the right thing to be separated.  It is still so hard to accept that divorce will probably be soon in my future.  I really believed things would work out between us in the end.  But being safe and being me is more important even than a forever family staying together forever.  It is so strange to type those words but it is true.

I thought about waiting to share this sad truth on this blog, but I can't help sharing because I believe strongly that there are more out there who might be in some type of abusive relationship--or might have a husband who is struggling with pornography or sexual addiction.  I know I am not the only one to finally realize that I have to leave and take care of myself.  I don't want anyone else to feel alone if I can help them in any way.

I hope each of you are able to feel God's love in your life today no matter what you are experiencing.  I pray for you to never be alone. I know I have been blessed in so many ways and through so many angels, especially my family, my visiting teachers, my bishop and my best friends.

Be Inspired,

Janelle Joy

Thursday, August 3, 2017

The Blessing of Messy Rooms

Lady Slipper,

I was pretty stressed about the mess in the play room upstairs and we were working together to clean some of it up.  I found my favorite snuggly  pillow I had been missing and you made a really cute comment;

"Messy rooms often reveal things you've been looking for for a long time"

It was such a wise thing to say and it helped me to smile and feel much happier.  Thanks for serving me today with your cute personality.



Thursday, July 13, 2017

"Oopsa Daisy, It's OK"


You say the cutest things and make me smile every day.  I love you!!



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