Monday, April 30, 2012

My Very Own Moroni Man

My husband may not see himself  in the stories of Moroni, Pahoran, Alma, Alma the Younger, Nephi, Abinadi, Helaman . . . or any of the many wonderful examples of what I call Moroni Men from the scriptures, but I see him that way.    For just over twelve years, I have been blessed to be married to my very own Moroni Man.  I have had that privilege of being by his side and participating with him as layer, after layer after unending layer,  of potential unfold within each of us.  Twelve years isn't close to enough time.  I only want to settle for eternity.

Although in our hearts we truly love each other deeply, both of us have had moments of doubt and discouragement when we feel that we have let the other down and fear begins to cloud into our minds,  beckoning us to question our own courage and strength to endure together in love to the end. I have learned that kind of fear always leads to some kind of battle being lost. 

In the past, after losing one of those battles, even seemingly small ones, I would begin to despair and feel even more fear than I felt before.  I knew I wanted to do right always.  And I knew I never do as well as I wish I had done. I finally learned that doubting myself was actually doubting my God.   Could I trust in God's promise that my family can be forever even though I am not perfect? Did I really have faith?  But there was a lot of experiences required before learning that doubting myself was as dangerous as listening to the voice of fear. 

Early in our marriage as I cried in disappointment after saying or doing something I felt unworthy of the role of wonderful wife I had placed on myself, he continued to come and rescue me.  Often he told me "You are wonderful.  I love you.  Don't you know you can start over tomorrow?"   Then he would treat me as if I really was the wonderful wife I wished that I was. 

my resolve to become as patient and loving ans forgiving as he was continued to grow as I spent more time with him, but my lack of confidence in myself and in the hope of ever having the ability to be the way I wanted to be eventually led to a deep depression.  It was several years before finding out there was a chemical reason for my easy tendency toward depression.  Yet the battles continue to rage even after the diagnosis. 

My own Moroni man is here to rescue me always. He rescued me from my darkest battles.  He always told me her was there for me and that I was better than I thought I was, that he loved me and was very glad he was married to me.

I am thankful to have grown in my confidence in god, in myself ad in my husband.  I love being married to him and having the privilege of being his support and comfort.  I am glad that I can say to him " You are my Captain Moroni.  If you ever feel that you have lost a battle, remember that you have never lost the war as long as you trust in God to fight for you . . . and for me."

We both have committed to continue to fight for our family and for our God.

Happy Anniversary my very own Moroni Man!! (even though it is a little late)

Your loving wife,


Important note:  see Alma 48:17 if youdon't know what I mean as a Moroni Man.

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