"The Lord Takes Many Away Even in Infancy."

I have been thinking of the little babies I have lost through miscarriages.  During October General Conference, Elder Shayne M. Bowen gave a talk entitled "Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also"  He told his experience of losing his 8 month old son, Tyson.  This talk touched my heart in a special way as I first listened to it and I have returned to it several times since for comfort and direction.

 Here are some of my favorite quotes from this talk:

“The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again.”
(Quoting Joseph Smith from Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (2007), 176. ) 

"I would like to speak to those who have lost a child and have asked the question, “Why me?” or maybe even questioned your own faith in a loving Father in Heaven. It is my prayer that by the power of the Holy Ghost, I may bring some measure of hope, of peace, and of understanding. It is my desire to be an instrument in bringing about a restoration of your faith in our loving Father in Heaven, who knows all things and allows us to experience trials so that we can come to know and love Him and understand that without Him we have nothing." I testify that this life is not the end. The spirit world is real. The teachings of the prophets regarding life after death are true. This life is but a transitory step forward on our journey back to our Heavenly Father.. ."

 "I testify that the veil is thin. The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don’t end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified.. . . "

"Sometimes people will ask, “How long did it take you to get over it?” The truth is, you will never completely get over it until you are together once again with your departed loved ones. I will never have a fulness of joy until we are reunited in the morning of the First Resurrection. “For man is spirit. The elements are eternal, and spirit and element, inseparably connected, receive a fulness of joy;. . . . . “And when separated, man cannot receive a fulness of joy.” But in the meantime, as the Savior taught, we can continue with good cheer. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”

Be Inspired,

Janelle Joy

Willingly Waiting: My Lessons from Three Miscarriages

My strong desire to have children has never been completely vanquished even though sometimes seemingly endless obstacles assail me as I work toward becoming a wise mom.   It took a while, and many tears, before I was blessed with my first daughter.  I was so thankful that my waiting had ended and enjoyed being a mother so much.

 I soon realized that my waiting had only begun.   It was seven years of hoping before I finally found out I was expecting my second child.  Only a few days later, I found out I was going to miscarry.  I wondered why I would finally be allowed to carry a child only to let it go so soon.  My daughter had prayed so often for a little sister.  My husband and I had prayed countless times.  However, I tried to make sure that my prayers always included the words “according to thy will.” 

I knew I faced a critical decision after that miscarriage:  Do I become discouraged and disheartened?  Or do I decide to be thankful for even that brief time of the joy of carrying a new life within me.  I had enough experience with disappointment.  I wanted to be grateful.  Another miscarriage followed and I again chose to be thankful for the miracle of pregnancy no matter what happened. 

I was traveling in Guatemala a few months later when I found out that I was expecting again.  I knew there was a high chance I would miscarry early (I have Graves disease which often is related to high thyroid levels and can make it difficult to keep a pregnancy), but the happiness I felt in becoming pregnant for a third time in one year after enduring seven years of unfruitful hopes, was stronger than my fear.  I decided to climb the ruins and experience the other things on my vacation and focus on enjoying the journey whichever direction it took me. I was blessed with another beautiful baby girl.

It has been almost two years since I had my second daughter.  I was thrilled to discover that I was not required to wait seven years this time.  Then the miscarriage started the next day.  Once again I am doing my best to willingly wait on the Lord’s will for me.  I have decided that being willing is more important than being successful .  I know my Heavenly Father accepts my desires and my best efforts even when they don’t seem to bear much fruit.  I am so thankful for His lessons in patience.

I'm Glad "Sunday will Come"

This talk was inspiring to me when it was given, and still inspires me as I remember the phrase "Sunday will come" when I am having very hard "Friday's" in my life. I know that the Savior would want me to remember that even though my Fridays are not as hard for me as that horrible Friday when he died for all of us, I can overcome my own littler Friday's because he overcame all things for me. And only three days later, Easter Sunday came with all of the rejoicing and miracles. I know Sunday will also come for me because it first came for Jesus Christ, my Savior.

"Good, Better, and Best" New Year's Goals

During our holiday vacation, Dad gave a great talk at church about how we should carefully pray and then evaluate our options when choosing our New Year's Goals. He used Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk from October 2007 "Good, Better and Best" when counselling that not all goals are of the same importance. Some are good, some are better and some are best. He encouraged us to prayerfully choose the best goals for each of us as individuals. He also wisely suggested that sometimes it is easy to know what the best goal is for a particular year; but other years it may take a few months before you know what your goal for that year really should be.

Later we had a similar discussion together for our Family Home Evening. I really appreciated that insight and have been thinking more deeply about my goals:)

Thanks Dad

I finished the "Miracle of Forgiveness"

I am so happy to have completed my goal to read the "Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball. I first started it as a teenager when my seminary teacher Dad suggested it would be a good book to read. I had good intentions :) but never finished it completely--and always felt badly that I hadn't whenever I heard someone mention how good that book is. This year I have been reading it for my scripture study time on Thursdays and it has taken a while to complete but was so worth it. What a great book.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from p. 362 in the last chapter:

There is a glorious miracle awaiting every soul who is
prepared to change. Repentance and forgiveness make a brilliant day of
the darkest night. When souls are reborn, when lives are changed--then
comes the great miracle to beautify and warm and lift. . . And such great miracles will never cease so long as there is one person who applies the redeeming power of the Savior and his own good works to bring about his rebirth.

I am so thankful that I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that he came to earth to live as the Great Example to guide the way for all of us to follow and to also suffer for our sins, die and then be resurrected. Because he did those things, we can all find peace and direction in our lives and have the option to change and repent and become better people. We will live again after we die. I know that when he suffered for my sins he also experienced my personal sorrows and challenges and all other emotions and experiences I deal with so that he can always know perfectly how I feel and how to help me. I know he loves me and is always there for me. I love him and am so thankful for him.

See also: Richard G. Scott "To be Free of Heavy Burdens"

and "Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Spencer W. Kimball" chapter 4

Creating a Refined, Peaceful, Home #1--Spiritual Tour

As I was sitting in the Temple last week, I felt so loved and so peaceful. The surroundings were beautiful and clean and quiet; the people were talking in quiet tones and were dressed simply but neatly; The music was quiet and soothing; There were people available to help and direct others; There were scriptures available to study; and there was time for pondering and praying.

I thought of my own home and how I have always had the goal, even when I was growing up, to have a home where people feel comfortable and want to be there. I asked myself the question I have asked so many times: Have I accomplished that goal? Is my home a place of comfort and peace where my family feels safe and wants to be there? It reminded me of a conference talk by Elder Gary E. Stevenson: "Sacred Homes, Sacred Temples" given last April at General Conference. He invited us to:
"take a virtual tour of their homes using their spiritual eyes . . . I testify to you that the application of these [Gospel] principles will help turn the doors of your home to the temple, or house of the Lord, and more fully allow you to make your sacred home a house of the Lord."

So I have decided to take that challenge and during the month of July I want to take a "Spiritual Tour" of my home and see if I can find simple ways to improve, or even happily notice simple ways I am already succeeding. Watch for future post about my findings! I would love comments about your own tours of your home environment.

Lessons from my Experience with Infertility and Miscarriage

Since I just experienced my second miscarriage this year, after seven years of infertility and hoping, I have had some time to reflect on the lessons I have learned. I am grateful for the lessons because I would have assumed that a miscarriage would bring more heartache into my life but instead has been a very hopeful and exciting experience that I am very grateful for. I know if I gave myself license to think of the sadness of it too long, I might change my mind so I have decided to think only of the wonderful gift it is even to have only a few days or weeks of participating in the wonderful creation of a new life.

It took just over a year after my marriage before I was blessed with my first pregnancy and a few months later blessed with a beautiful daughter. Even that year was hard for me even though I know in comparison to many, one year is not long to wait. I thought my dream of at least six children was on it's way. But after this first pregnancy there were no more for seven years.

For the first several of those years, I spent much time praying and reading infertility articles and taking infertility tests which never revealed the reason I was not becoming pregnant. I felt confused and saddened when I was around others who were able to have children even when they were not married, or did not want their children or . . . many things seemed unfair. I wondered what I had done to make me unfit to have the many children I had hoped for.

Eventually, I fell into a deep depression and for some months was unable to even care for myself properly. But during that time there were many miracles.
1) I learned that it was important for me to be happy being me and to find out who I really was and what God wanted me to do.
2) I learned that God loved me and had other purposes for me along with the important opportunity of being a mother.
3) I learned that sometimes less is more and that I had a singular opportunity to give everything I had to my one precious daughter
4) I learned to desire what God wanted for me instead of what I wanted and to trust in His direction and His timing in the events of my life
5) I learned the probable cause of my infertility and depression when tests revealed thyroid problems and Graves Disease.
6) I learned to be thankful and that gratitude brings the light back when depression threatens to cloud it.
7) I learned how to feel the true sadness in some things in my life without losing the gratitude and the hope.

Because of those lessons I was able to see these miscarriages as blessings. I don't know God's plan for me and my life but I do know that He is aware of me and that I can be happy in whatever that plan is. I was even able to have great discussions with my daughter about why her consistent prayers for a baby brother or sister have not been fulfilled yet and she has been able to happily decide to keep praying and never give up but also to see the blessings she has by being the only child in our family.

I feel so happy to see the great strides and progress I have made so that now my emotional health is much more stable and disappointments, even very large ones, do not have as many detrimental effects on me. Even when my thyroid and hormone levels are not right and things are more challenging I am learning to be a better mom and enjoy each moment as it comes.

Spiritual Gifts

The lessons today at both Sunday School and Relief Society, were about spiritual gifts and talents. The main lesson for me today was to think about the fact that gifts are given to everyone for the purpose of sharing with others and that means they only work in a community, not for just one person alone. We all need to have friends and be friends and then we all can take advantage of the help we each can receive from the use of each others' talents.

I think the reason that is the main part of the lessons that stood out to me is because of my personal experience of depression. I was badly depressed and withdrawn for about three years before I found out about my thyroid problem (Graves Disease) and was able to have treatment and become myself again. During that time it was hard to want to be around other people. I just wanted to be alone. But family encouraged me to still look for friends and force myself to do things with other people. Even the answer to my prayers kept being "find good friends." I am glad that I did.

I found a group of women who met to work out early in the morning. The workout helped me in working through the harder times with my thyroid levels, even after the problem was diagnosed, and gave me a chance to be with friends daily. They also were good listeners and didn't judge me when I was a little "off" and more withdrawn or emotional. I was also able to help care for their children on their turn to go exercise (we all took turns with the kids) and also to listen and be a support for them through their challenges. I know that being with others gave me a chance to benefit from the spiritual gifts of others and to be able to contribute mine as well.

Sunday School Member Study Guide and related scriptures
Parable of the Talents: Matthew 25:14-30