Worthy Wife: Faith in Happily Ever After

I have often struggled with the uncomfortable feelings of dissatisfaction with the unrealized expectations I have had about aspects of my life, particularly about my exceedingly high expectations of the beauty and joy of marriage. The daily evidence, at least according to my perception, of failure to achieve the feeling I desire of constant connection with my husband in our unity in love for God and for each other and our family; unity of purpose and direction; and unity of desires for righteousness, have led me to many moments of dissatisfaction and disappointment. I have often faced moments where I begin to feel the stirrings of doubt in my ability to humbly and contentedly accept and follow the leadership of my husband as he continues to strive to lead in righteousness.

I have realised that I do not have this same challenge constantly in other aspects of my life, so there must be a way to apply that ability in my role as a wife.  Through many callings (voluntary assignments) in the Church, I have learned to follow leadership humbly and contentedly even when I perceive weakness or very different points of view--somehow I am still able to feel one with my Church leaders and follow their counsel and direction. I am able to see past the struggles of the moment with faith in the inspiration from  God which led to each person being given their particular assignment within the "family" of the Church.  I sustain those people in their callings by following them. I have  also been able to face my own weaknesses and lack of confidence and meet the challenges of my responsibilities within those callings with faith and endurance. That ability has continued to grow over time and through the varied callings I have experienced.

How can I apply that knowledge and experience to my most important callings (President Boyd K. Packer, Ensign May 2012) within my own family?  I believe that the answer lies in having enough faith, hope and charity to accept the "enabling power of the atonement" (Elder David A Bednar, Ensign, April 2012) in my own life and faith that that power extends to every member of my family who will choose to accept it.  I must remember that I am at the beginning of the journey of marriage and "happily ever after" doesn't happen while in this life but right now I am in the work of creating that "happily ever after" during my own "once upon a time" at the beginning of my marriage story ("Your Happily Ever After" by Dieter F. Uchtdorff, Ensign May 2010).

Maybe the level of challenge I face with my calling as a wife is because of it is a calling of much greater importance?  Perhaps it is because I have had expectations of perfection during the probationary and practice period of marriage?  I know I made the correct choice in choosing my husband and in choosing to marry him for eternity within the temple.  So now, I must continue in faith that through the Atonement of Christ, I do find joy in marriage now and will find it even more fully in the future as long as I never stop striving in faith to be a worthy wife.

Related Article: "Celestial Marriage" by Bruce R. McConkie

Be Inspired,
Janelle Joy

My Very Own Moroni Man

My husband may not see himself  in the stories of Moroni, Pahoran, Alma, Alma the Younger, Nephi, Abinadi, Helaman . . . or any of the many wonderful examples of what I call Moroni Men from the scriptures, but I see him that way.    For just over twelve years, I have been blessed to be married to my very own Moroni Man.  I have had that privilege of being by his side and participating with him as layer, after layer after unending layer,  of potential unfold within each of us.  Twelve years isn't close to enough time.  I only want to settle for eternity.

Although in our hearts we truly love each other deeply, both of us have had moments of doubt and discouragement when we feel that we have let the other down and fear begins to cloud into our minds,  beckoning us to question our own courage and strength to endure together in love to the end. I have learned that kind of fear always leads to some kind of battle being lost. 

In the past, after losing one of those battles, even seemingly small ones, I would begin to despair and feel even more fear than I felt before.  I knew I wanted to do right always.  And I knew I never do as well as I wish I had done. I finally learned that doubting myself was actually doubting my God.   Could I trust in God's promise that my family can be forever even though I am not perfect? Did I really have faith?  But there was a lot of experiences required before learning that doubting myself was as dangerous as listening to the voice of fear. 

Early in our marriage as I cried in disappointment after saying or doing something I felt unworthy of the role of wonderful wife I had placed on myself, he continued to come and rescue me.  Often he told me "You are wonderful.  I love you.  Don't you know you can start over tomorrow?"   Then he would treat me as if I really was the wonderful wife I wished that I was. 

my resolve to become as patient and loving ans forgiving as he was continued to grow as I spent more time with him, but my lack of confidence in myself and in the hope of ever having the ability to be the way I wanted to be eventually led to a deep depression.  It was several years before finding out there was a chemical reason for my easy tendency toward depression.  Yet the battles continue to rage even after the diagnosis. 

My own Moroni man is here to rescue me always. He rescued me from my darkest battles.  He always told me her was there for me and that I was better than I thought I was, that he loved me and was very glad he was married to me.

I am thankful to have grown in my confidence in god, in myself ad in my husband.  I love being married to him and having the privilege of being his support and comfort.  I am glad that I can say to him " You are my Captain Moroni.  If you ever feel that you have lost a battle, remember that you have never lost the war as long as you trust in God to fight for you . . . and for me."

We both have committed to continue to fight for our family and for our God.

Happy Anniversary my very own Moroni Man!! (even though it is a little late)

Your loving wife,

Janelle

Important note:  see Alma 48:17 if youdon't know what I mean as a Moroni Man.

Worthy Wife: "Bike Ride"

I was amazed at how much more our marriage came alive after I finally said "yes" to my husband's repeated invitations to go bike riding with him.  He wanted me to go with him so badly he even picked out and surprised me with a new bike with a baby seat attached on the back so we could go anytime without needing to find a babysitter. 

I quickly noticed that I was feeling happier and more energized, my toddler loved our rides and especially the stop at the park at the halfway point.  It was also like a daily date time.

Those bike rides really did change our relationship to an even more closely linked and happily newlywed type feeling again.

Be Inspired,

Wonderful Wife: "I Will Get That For You!"

When I was first married, I learned that my husband really felt loved when I would bring him things he asked me to get for him. He didn't see me as a servant, he just loved to ask me to do something for him because he felt so cared for when I would do it. He was really saying: "Do you love me today?"

Now I have found it is even more wonderful when I am the one who thinks of things to do for him without even being asked. Although sometimes I appreciate when I notice him doing those things for himself, I also miss that chance to tell him I love him. I love the look of happiness on his face when I run up to stop him and cheerfully say "I will get that for you!"

Be Inspired,

Worthy Wife: The Wisdom to "Add it to the Ignore List"

I was inspired when I heard someone tell a story of a woman with great wisdom.  I remember it like this:

When she was newly married, she made a list of 10 things her husband did which had the possibility of annoying her in the future and she committed herself to overlooking those characteristics.  After she had been married several years, she was asked how she had remained so happily married.  Her reply was that whenever something annoyed her about her husband she would simply tell herself that habit, annoyance etc was on her "ignore list." 

(I tried to find the source but haven't found it yet. I think it might have been President  Monson)

Since hearing of that woman's "ignore list"  I have noticed that my husband must have a very good sized ignore list for me since he treats me so well.  I was motivated and have happily noticed some changes as I have more often had the wisdom to say "I can ignore that" to myself when something bothers me.

Be inspired,